The Best Help to Heal from Traumatic Calls

BY SARAH SCHMIDT

As law enforcement officers, we respond to traumatic calls that leave a lasting impact on our lives.

On a winter day, I was off-duty and home while Kris was at work. He called to let me know about a heartbreaking call he was on—an accidental death. Kris said he would be late getting home from work.

This event was a tragedy, and the call impacted not only Kris, but many others.

As a law enforcement officer myself, I knew when Kris got home he would need some space to internally process the call he had handled. So, I made his favorite dinner and greeted him at the door with a hug. Making direct eye contact, I asked Kris if he was okay. He answered, “Yes,” but his indirect eye contact showed me, “No.”

Kris’s response showed me he needed some downtime on his own. Kris wasn’t ready to talk about the call yet. Without prying for information, we ate supper in silence and then snuggled up on the couch for the rest of the night watching movies. By giving Kris space yet being there with him, I showed respect for what he needed at the time: rest from thinking about the call and physical rest from a long day at work.

A couple of days later, Kris and I were both off-duty. Kris still hadn’t talked about the traumatic call from a few days earlier.

We were in the kitchen and were cleaning up after the kids left for school. I noticed Kris wasn’t his usual talkative, joking-self. He also kept bumping into stuff in the kitchen which made me turn from washing the dishes to see what was going on.

I realized what was really going on with Kris. He was experiencing the classic “after-effects” of handling a traumatic call, which I could relate to. Because I have been in his shoes, I instinctively knew that Kris was having a hard time dealing with the traumatic call he had handled a few days before.

I walked over to Kris and put my hand on his arm to get his attention. I asked, “Are you okay?” Without eye contact, Kris said, “Yes,” and began to walk out of the kitchen. I knew that Kris was refusing to deal with his emotions.

So, I rushed to get in front of Kris before he left the kitchen. Kris stopped to look at me. I smiled, and gently placed my hands on both sides of his face, holding it so Kris had to look at me. And then, looking directly into his eyes, I said these simple words: “It’s okay to cry.”

And Kris did.

I held onto Kris in a hug, and he sobbed. His entire body shook as he cried until the release of emotion came out of him. It seemed like we were hugging for a long time before Kris backed away. Then, he started laughing in embarrassment while wiping the tears from his face. “We all try to be tough,” he said with a tearful smile.

Kris is not alone. As law enforcement officers, we try to be tough. But we need to remember we are human and we have feelings, emotions, and compassion for others.  

Internally, we process traumatic calls differently. Some, like me, tend to compartmentalize those situations and stuff away those traumatic memories. Others handle traumatic calls in other unhealthy ways. If you don’t eventually deal with your feelings from traumatic calls, they will someday erupt in harmful ways. Believe me, I know. Some of the unhealthy ways I coped led me to becoming short-tempered or distancing myself from people.

THERE IS HELP

It is common among officers to not show emotion and to be tough-minded. We are trained to be that way on the street, to take charge and to help others who need it. Sometimes, we need help too. 

A recent survey in Police 1 suggests more than 50% of officers still report a stigma about “seeking mental health services” when they need it. As law enforcement officers, we need to push past that stigma and focus more on the well-being of our fellow law enforcement officers. By constantly “stuffing” our emotions from traumatic events, we are doing more harm than good to ourselves.

At a past training, my instructor, a police chief from the suburbs of Chicago, said all law enforcement officers have a “need to be needed.”

I whole-heartedly agree with this statement. Most law enforcement professionals do have a “need to be needed.” We truly care about others. Deep inside, we care about doing the best job possible in our careers and in helping others. When we have the always-be-a-hero mindset, we usually have a hard time saying, “I need help too.”

As law enforcement officers, we are human and need help too.

Many law enforcement agencies are doing “debriefings” after traumatic calls. These are a great resource to process the traumatic event, but these group debriefings usually do not help each officer individually.

WE NEED MORE RESOURCES

Some law enforcement agencies have developed peer support groups and buddy systems to help officers. Some agencies also have chaplains. These are great resources.  

But, since we are all human, we are prone to miss when someone is hurting within our agencies. This holds especially true because most law enforcement professionals do not show emotions anyway.

The fact is, even as warrior-type people, none of us are strong enough on our own to deal with the evil and the sadness we respond to on traumatic calls. Supporting one another is always good, but we as human beings were created to need more than each other.

In the Bible, King David was a mighty warrior. David knew God was the only source of refuge in his life. David had many advisors and people to help him as an army commander during war and as king over Israel. Yet, David regularly turned to God first when he needed help. Psalm 142:1-2 (ESV) says: “I cry aloud to the Lord… I pour out before him my complaint; before him I tell my trouble.”

One of the most important lessons I learned after retiring from law enforcement was that God puts others in our lives to help us. But if we miss the most important part: going to God first with our pain, the rest of the help we get from others will never make us feel complete. Faith, prayer, and reading scripture are the best resources for healing. All the extras we do in debriefings, peer support groups, buddy systems, and chaplain programs are just the icing on the cake.